LITTLE BLUE BOOK NO. 488 Edited by E. Haldeman-Julius

How Not to Be a Wallflower

John Woodworth

HALDEMAN-JULIUS PUBLICATIONS GIRARD, KANSAS

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

HOW NOT TO BE A WALLFLOWER

FOREWORD

My definition of a Wallflower is: One who is for some reason or other always on the outskirts of social life. Strictly defined a Wallflower is one who stands against the wall at dances.

I know perfectly that being a Wallflower hurts more than anything on earth because that is what I am myself or that is what I was until I conquered my sensitiveness which after all is the main fault of that avis rara. Even now, criticism, too harsh or too personally aimed, is liable to drive me into my particular hole whence it takes a mighty strong bit of persuasion to entice me.

Those lapses are fewer and fewer now, however, and I feel that eventually I’ll be as hard as nails and quite the life of the party whenever I choose to be.

The exact mode of dealing with the malady stumped me at first but after having made my first facetious attempt which was by way of crucifying the very soul (if there is a soul) of the person I might be trying to help, severely criticized by one whom I happen to know could never have been a Wallflower, I have chosen the confidential chat manner. I shall take every one of you quietly aside in a sort of Ben B. Lindsey manner and try with all I have in me to help you to get as far as possible from the Dread Wallfloweritis.

We shall see together just what can be done to make you, if not the life of the party, certainly a passable sort of person whom everybody greets with a happy smile and who feels that he is wanted.

I. FEMALE WALLFLOWERS

Let us attend a dance together. Let us suppose you are a young lady and that I am your companion who has never taken you to a dance before. Let us also suppose that I am quite good looking and that you would like to make the best of all impressions upon me.

It may be that I have met you at a tea or at a dinner and know nothing whatsoever about you except that you are not ugly or, that is, not too ugly. You may have an uneven feature or two but that may only enhance your charm the more. Or it may be that you have come to visit a friend in a strange city and that I, as one of your friend’s unattached and obliging male acquaintances, have been asked to escort you to the dance. Or I may be a new fellow in town.

If we happen to be any or all of these combinations and all the proprieties have been followed, there is no reason why we should not proceed to the dance together.

YOUR DRESS

Before we go however, let us take a look into your wardrobe. More particularly let us come to some sort of understanding about what can and what cannot be worn.

If it is a formal dance, which fact you should have ascertained before you started to dress, you would of course wear an evening gown. As to the particular type of evening gown let us go more into detail.

But why start there? There is no reason on earth why we should not digress as far back as the bath.

But a bath, you say, is not always possible. To which I reply, a cleansing of some sort is always possible, weather and taste permitting.

Very well, to the bath then.

Let it be a hot bath or shower followed by a cold dash and that followed by a brisk rub-down. After the rub-down it isn’t at all a bad idea to use a toilet water, not too penetrating in odor, over the entire body. If you use toilet water of a particular scent be sure to dust the entire body with a powder of the same scent. Whether the toilet water is used or not, be sure to dust the body with the powder. Care should be taken not to leave it in great, obvious dabs on the back of the neck or between the shoulders.

Another good practice after a bath is to stand before a mirror and give yourself a good once-over. This is not impossible anywhere, which is to say that if the mirror is small you can stand a little distance from it and get a very nice view of the ensemble. “Distance,” as they say, “lends enchantment.”

Now for the lingerie. A young lady whom I know, recently showed me a very beautiful outfit. It is a three piece combination: a tight fitting brassiere; tailored trunks very similar to those worn by trackmen and runners. Both of these were of satin. And over all is a georgette slip. The latter may be dispensed with, according to the weather and temperament of the wearer.

If you feel that an elastic girdle of some sort is absolutely necessary, wear it, but be very careful that there are no rolls of flesh protruding from its confines. If that, too, is impossible, let it protrude where your various partners could not possibly notice it.

And now for the makeup. I was informed, only recently, by a young lady whose appearance I was particularly admiring that she had on a very light stage makeup. That is what I would advise. The base of this particular makeup was wheatcroft which can be tinted to any color or complexion desired. It is a vegetable compound and is quite good for the skin. If you are disfigured by an excessive growth of hair on the arms you will find wheatcroft quite desirable. The only trouble with it is that it smells like a horse’s breath after he has eaten wheat. On top of the wheatcroft, use whatever you like in good taste. Remember, however, that your makeup must be just a little stronger for a dance than for the street. Wheatcroft does not run.

Having done everything else, turn your attention now to that very necessary detail, your perfume.

There are perfumes and perfumes. Some of them for one purpose and some for another. Your job should have been from the age of fifteen to familiarize yourself with the particular properties of each scent that met your pretty nose. You should know by this time that perfumes were first designed to take the place of baths. You should also know that the present use of perfume is for quite another purpose which I cannot go into here.

Let me add that your perfume affects a young man quite decidedly whether he knows he’s being affected or not. A friend of mine tells me that there are perfumes that can and do accomplish anything.

Choose your perfume carefully and you have won half the battle.

So far I have given details of the toilet which would apply to any dance. The dress and the coif, of course, must vary.

DRESS FOR FORMAL DANCE

The evening dress should be chosen with the greatest care. In most cases it must be chosen with the view of lasting at least one season and possibly two. It is understood, to be sure, that I am talking with a young person of limited means. As I said, the evening dress should be chosen with the utmost care. Your community, of course, and the attitudes of your immediate contemporaries will gauge the cut of the gown.

I should, if I were asked about my own taste, suggest a dress with a very tight basque and a circular skirt. But that is all a matter of your own taste. If you are just a little plump, a straight line dress, depending from the shoulders and without sign of belt or division would be very good. If you are quite plump I should suggest a course in dynamic symmetry from some good commercial art school. My own knowledge of the principles of that particular phase of the arts is not authentic.

But the most important feature of the whole dress is its color. I have it from one of the most popular girls I have ever known that the color of a dress does more to make a girl sought after than anything else about her. Incidentally this same girl forgets that there is such a thing as a darkened room. I must say for the young lady’s theory that she has enjoyed an uninterrupted vogue at dances for the last seven years.

The color then should be carefully chosen. It should be some hue which while it attracts attention, should, at the same time, be eminently suited to your complexion. Blondes with olive skins can wear any color they may choose, and still look quite smart. Redheads with pale, clear complexions are equally fortunate except that they should avoid certain shades of brown and gray.

A brunette is most striking in a very warm color, something say in crimson or one of the warmer blues; blues, that is to say, which verge on purple. White on a brunette becomes striking. In the same manner, blue near a freckled face becomes conspicuous, or rather the freckles do.

Your coiffeur should not concern you if your hair is bobbed. You should be sure to keep it clean and if you feel that the young man’s nose may get among it in the course of the evening, put a subtle perfume there to meet it halfway, as it were. Long hair produces still other problems. You should know by this time that straggling wisps of hair are quite unsightly and dress your hair accordingly.

OFF IN A GALE OF LAUGHTER

You are now ready for the dance. I have come to the house where you are staying or to your domicile and am now in the parlor talking to your hostess or your mother. You have been called. Don’t wait too long to come down. Nothing is more distressing to a young man than to have to wait.

How not to be a wallflower